Stronger Than Before

January 28, 2018 Add Comment Edit

Someone asked me before on what’s the one thing that’s happened to me that made me a stronger person. I thought about it for only a bit. I guess it doesn't need too much time to think about an accurate answer regarding this. The one thing that happened in my life that I think made me a strong person am I today is definitely the death of my father.

It has been six years since my father died. It wasn't sudden. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later since he was diagnosed of liver cirrhosis months before it. It's just that how I wish he lived longer. He could have seen me grew outside of my shell. I wonder how life is if he's still with us right now.

I was a daddy's girl. Was isn't really appropriate because I am still his girl. Always will be. I could still remember little me running to him whenever my mother got mad at me for something. I always go to him. He was my 'kakampi' back then in so many ways. I could still remember how tight he makes my ponytails, how he used his 'makuha-ka-sa-tingin-stare' at me for being naughty, how he taught me/us to make a parol for Christmas, how he killed that snake in the terrace, how he walked up to the stage and pin me that medal, how delicious his sinigang is, how he taught me to cook that 'manamis-namis na maasim-asim' na adobo (which I never really perfected. Sorry Daddy.), how he drove our 'sakbayan' back in the days, how he'd fix anything at home, how he'd tell me 'igagawa kita nito...' even if I don't ask it, how he'd bring home something from work (esp. that chocolate cake in Victoria's), how he'd prepare almost everything for us, how he came to the rescue if we shout 'Daaady, may ipis!', how he got mad at me for being the hormonal teenager that I am, how he handled me back in the days when I started to 'ehem' drink, how he put up a birthday banner every birthday morning even if we had no handa, how he just grunted whenever we call him. I could still remember details whenever he would pick me up from elementary school and I hide because my schoolmates always asked me, 'Tigulang na lagi imong Papa.' and 'Lolo na nimo?' Innocent questions but it tugged my heart. I don't want to think that I was once ashamed to be seen with him but well, I did. I guess we all had that stage in our lives that we were quite ashamed of our parents.

I still could remember the days when I first went to job hunting. He was there with me all the way and making sure I wouldn't get lost in the midst of the concrete jungle. I still could remember the days he would come accompany me home when I was in college until my first job. He always had his bicycle with him. I've shared a lot of stories about almost everything whenever we walked home - about my first job, my first boss, the nature of my job, etc... I missed it a lot, really.

How come he made me stronger? Because I've seen him in his worst but I could see in him that his spirit never shattered. I've seen in him that he knew what was going to happen and probably I also knew that it scares him and yet he still believed. If he is that strong at that point in his life, I surely would be, too, in worst days and for sure, the ordinary ones.

Before I always tell myself that it's much better to know when you are going to die but after what happened to him, it changed. I, now, answer people 'YES' when they ask me if I am prepared to die. It's yes because if it's your time, then you really can't do anything about it. Maybe, it's hard to treat today as if it's your last but the least you can do is stop being hard on yourself in so many ways and just live life and love life.