To The Person Who Receives My Morning Anger

February 22, 2018 Add Comment Edit

Dear,

I am best known for my mood swings. There are times that I am so happy and then there are times that I am so down nothing can even stop me. In one minute, I can go from happy to angry to sad to an 'I-don't-f*cking-care' attitude. It kills me to not even understand myself. I feel like I belong in a mental institution because of the way I think and the way I feel about certain things. Sometimes, I talk to myself. I scold me. I get angry at me for feeling and thinking this way. There are times that I want to destroy something good and perfect that is happening to me. And when realization struck, I want to rewind everything back. It's such a shame why I feel the way I feel sometimes. There's this one good thing that I know it's meant for me and yet here I am making a mess out of it.

I am so restless right now. I did something real unnecessary today. It was so nonsense. But then, I feel contentment after what happened. I am just waiting for the cloud in my mind to fade so that I can fix what I did wrong. Hopefully, the fixing is going to be easy. Hopefully, me always fixing what I broke would always be easy. Hopefully, what I am fixing will always be worth fixing.

These are the types of morning that I want to eliminate forever. The mornings when I just wake up grumpy and down. The mornings when I just want to fight with everyone. The mornings when I just want more attention than anything, making up things to justify my grumpiness when I just want MORE than the usual. The mornings when I put the best thing I have right now in the brink of breaking.

Yes. I am probably f*cked up. Maybe, it's a girl thing. Maybe it's not. Maybe because I am that sort of a person. Or maybe I am just so messed up.

Sincerely,

Anonymous